Thursday, April 30, 2009

A Mystery







I have recently been listening to a lot of Phil Wickham's music, and really focusing on the lyrics closely. I love the music and the words in many of his songs. God speaks to me through music very clearly and the other day I was in the car as this song, "Mystery", played. The words just hit me and I wanted this to be my prayer.
I have been asking for clarity from God on several things. I've been asking to see his glory in ways I have not before. I've been asking for understanding. After listening to this song I realized, that our beautiful Lord, loves to reveal himself to us, but at the same time he loves to stay a mystery in some ways. This level of mystery causes us to examine who he really is, to search Him out with all our hearts. Maybe we don't always get clarity, or understanding. But, I do think we see his glory in that mystery, and that glory brings us nearer to Him. I believe that is an awesome, beautiful thing.


Mystery by Phil Wickham:

Here in the quiet speak to me now
My ears are open to
Your gentle sweet whispering
Break down the door, come inside
Shine down your bright light
I need a lamp for my feet, I need a lamp for my feet

I want to hear the thunder of who you are
To be captured inside the wonder of who you are
I want to live I want to breathe
To search out your heart and all of your mysteries

You were the first and you'll be the end
Time cannot hold you down
Why save a wretch like me?
No eye has seen, no ear has heard
No heart could fully know
All of your mystery

Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down your light let it burn in my heart
Bring me to glory, bring me to you
Lord it's your heart that I will hold onto

Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down your light let me know who you are
Jesus, your glory burns in the stars

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It's a small world after all...

Oh yes, it really is a small world after all. I was sitting in Barnes and Nobles today, with a friend, sipping my coffee frappachino just chatting about this and that. Suddenly, I spotted a man to my left and my heart jumped. I recognized him as someone I knew on the missionfield! Or at least that's what I thought! "Was that just Mr. Harrar??," I asked myself!? I mentioned it to my friend, and she probably thought I was crazy, at first. I had to find out though, so I walked over there carefully, making sure it wouldn't be awkward if I had just mistaken him for someone else.

But, sure enough, it was him! Michael and Beverley Harrar worked over in Papua New Guinea at the same mission base, Ukarumpa, that my parents worked at. Bev was probably my favorite English teacher ever, and she also was my 9th grade bible study leader. She is an adult who had a significant impact on me as a teenager, and I appreciate the things she taught me and how she helped me grow as a young person in the Lord. So, I sat and chatted with Mr. Harrar, wondering WHY IN THE WORLD HE WAS IN MANSFIELD, OHIO of ALL the places! The Harrars are currently living in Lancaster, PA so I was very confused when I first saw him. He was here to speak at a Wycliffe Associates banquet at the Dutch Heritage Restauraunt, right next to the hotel I work at! He invited me to come along tonight, so I grabbed a friend to go with me, and I attended this event. It was so great! The whole day seems unreal to me, though. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up more with Michael, and Bev, next week in columbus!

My mind is all over the place tonight. This is a good reason to write, I guess, except that I should be studying for a Psychology test right now. :)

Sometimes I live my life so forgetful of the fact that I was born and grew up in a jungle. So forgetful of how important the work was that my parents and so many missionaries are involved in! So forgetful of who I am. But, after moments like today, I feel so connected again. I remember. I realize how small this world really is and it makes me just smile at how God works out little things like what happened today. I also realized something else about myself today. I realized how different I view missions now that I'm an adult. As a child and teenager, I knew I was in a cool place and I knew what my parents did was important. It's not like I had conversations about missions all the time, or that I had understanding of what was always going on around me. But now that I'm here in the U.S., and now that I've grown older, I recognize how important it all is. I see all the undercover work that goes on to keep translation projects moving forward, to get the gospel preached to the nations!! It excites me and I want to be involved in whatever way God leads me. Whether it be through prayer, giving, or possibly going on the mission field again one day.

I just felt like I learned a lot today. I definitley felt the presence of God as well. Then, when I got home, I found out that my friend's father who has been battling cancer for awhile now, passed away this morning. It is sad and hard to deal with loss. It's hard to know how to respond to a friend. It is hard to trust God sometimes. God IS so present though. God IS so loving and so beautiful. God IS so trustworthy. I'm so thankful for his presence and how He reminds me of His power and how He is working in this world all the time. Please pray for this family who is grieving. Also, thank the Lord for his presense and for the many gifts he lavishes on us daily. I know today, I am thankful for a God who is understanding of my needs and loves me like no other.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Leaving a Mark

Well, I've been meaning to create a blog for a long time. I'm not quite sure why I even want to do it, because part of me feels like it could be a complete waste of my time. Who wants to read what I have to say, anyway? It is just another password to remember, another page to stay up to date on.
But, I have decided (at least at the moment), that a blog is different. It feels so freeing to write. Even if you are not an English major, or even if you have hideous spelling and grammar, writing is still freeing. Writing is a way to express emotion. Writing is a way to express what is important to you. Writing is a way to share who you are to those people who might care. Writing can leave you confused, encouraged, or challenged. Best of all, it can leave you contemplative of a lot more. I want to be more contemplative about deep issues of life, and even just more contemplative about the simpler issues that just seem to go without notice. So, I have decided that creating and writing in a blog could be very rewarding. It can be a tool for expressing some of my thoughts that I have a hard time expressing anywhere else. Even if no one understands me, that is OK. It will be good for me to write. But, I also like to believe that if one person reads something I have to share and relates to what I have to say, or is encouraged by it, then it is also worth it.
In living life we are constantly leaving marks on people. They can be positive or negative. They can be very small and seemingly insignificant. What we do and say can seem to be ignored, or forgotten, about 95% of the time. We can feel useless and we can lose hope of making a difference in this world. But then, one person is touched. One person tells you that you have helped them. One person tells you that you inspire them. One person tells you that you remind them of Christ. One person tells you that you have left a mark on them. One is not insignificant.
So, I choose to write a blog. I choose to live my monotonous life making the most of every opportunity, whether it seems dull or exciting. I choose to speak truth instead of lies. I choose to love instead of hate. I choose to be a light instead of darkness. And, I mess up sometimes. But that too, can leave a mark in the way I choose to respond to my mistakes. I choose to leave a mark.